4/26/04
No word yet from the hospital. Face still hurts too much to go to work so I had to stay home. I'm coping the best I can.

The Super Wife informed me that Train Boy had a school walk early in the afternoon. I could continue being a useless bag of water, or I could join them. Being an astute fellow I picked up on the clues real fast and decided to join them.

His teacher lives about a half-mile from the school and the walk was to her place. The survivors got the bonus of also walking back.

On the way the teacher told the kids they could pick a dandelion. All the kids were happy to do so, and quickly did it, except Train Boy. He surveyed the land in front of him with a critical eye. He looked and looked, and he had a hard time picking one. None of the dandelions seemed to meet his standards. Eventually he picked a violet and gave it to his Mom. This is a boy with his own ideas.

Every kid had a walking partner and held hands with their partner. We were at the back of the line. Train Boy held his Mom's hand. I was Tail-End Charlie and responsible for stragglers. The Super Wife handed me the violet so I was also Keeper of the Violet. It was one thing after another; I might as well have gone in to work.

When we crossed the road I stood in the middle of it. I was by far the tallest person there so I made the best crossing guard. Nobody got hurt, so I didn't have to hurt any drivers. Everybody was happy.

At the teacher's house she had a small pond, a chicken coop, and a rabbit hutch. The kids were excited. For reasons I'll never know the teacher opened the door to the chicken coop. Seeing the opportunity for freedom one of the chickens bolted. It ran right by me. A rather bold move for a chicken.

It probably had one of those uncanny animal senses that seems so spooky to those of us who don't watch 'The Other Side.' It knew I did not eat poultry. It knew I was not a threat. It clucked by me like I wasn't even there, buck-buck-buck.

Unfortunately for the chicken, its expectations of freedom were easily met. As soon as it got by me it hid behind a bush. Or maybe it was just stupid. Nobody ever refers to a chicken as an example of sparkling intelligence. Nobody ever says, "Now what would a chicken do?"

I was the last in line. I was the closest to the chicken. It was time to show I was not totally useless. I stepped around to the far side of the bush and shook it. Terrified, the chicken ran back to the safety of its coop. There's probably a moral in there, but I don't care. Now I'm a Keeper of the Flower, Crossing Guard, Bush Shaker, and a Chicken Wrangler too. More under 'Other Duties As Assigned.' At least I now know I can outsmart a chicken. Hooray for me.

Then she got a bunny out for the kids to pet. God, will it never end? She asked me if I wanted to pet it too. I didn't want to as it obviously cringed in fear. Using one of its spooky animal senses it probably knew I'd once bought the Super Wife a rabbit coat. Yes, I saw fear in its eye, and I didn't want it to flee, resulting in more chasing and bush shaking. I declined.

On the way back to the school I once again stood in the middle of the street, offering myself as the first target of opportunity for any hung-over employees working the afternoon shift. I handed the violet back to the Super Wife and cautioned her that it was a Flower of Great Care. What has happened to it I do not know, but I did my part.

Back at the classroom Train Boy loudly informed his teacher that his Dad can fix anything. He also told a classmate that his Dad fixed the sound on the computer. There are easier things than living up to the expectations of a six year-old child. But I'll try. I've just got to try.

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