originally 06/20/2000
> Subject: Kids, and Me at my most pedantic
>
> At a recent babyshower I attended everyone was asked to give a tip on
> raising> children. Of course this got me to thinking- not necessarily a bad thing,
> but> not necessarily a good thing either, not for you. So here goes, Dale's
> tips> and etcetera for child rearing.
>
> 1. Always say "You can do it." A child will run into all kinds of
> obstacles-> naysaying peers, pessimistic teachers, and eventually butthead bosses (not
> implying all bosses are buttheads.) To run this gauntlet successfully
> your> child needs to know she can do it. Being able to say, "I can do this" is
> key> to success. It pleases me when I try to help one of my kids and they say
> "I> can do it," they are going to be self-confident and self-reliant.
>
> 2. Be willing to let your child fail. Nobody wins everytime so its
> important> not to be demoralized when the inevitable happens. Its important that
> children learn failure is an experience that may be humbling, but it is
> not> humiliating. No cries of outrage from mommy and daddy at the ball games.
> Follow the example of any cheerleader- cheer.
>
> 3. Whatever your child expresses an interest in, encourage it. Whether
> its> playing an instrument, painting, sports, fixing things, whatever, let them
> find out where their interests and talents meet. Its important in> deciding
> what to do for the rest of their lives. It also keeps them busy so you
> can> blow time doing what you want.
>
> 4. Turn the t.v. off. Yes, there's educational television programs, and
> sometimes you just need a break. But its important they experience things
> themselves and not just watch somebody else. For your child's sake, don't
> put> a tv in their bedroom, they'll thank you when they're grown-up, though
> they'll> moan and whine alot until then.
>
> 5. Read to them. Whereas tv is a brain-in-neutral experience, reading
> exercizes the mind. Idiots don't read, but they watch lots of tv. So if
> your> kid wants a book, if you can afford it, buy it. It shows them you value
> books. And of course, visit your local library, alot. You don't find
> many> idiots there either. I don't think I'm vain, and I hate to sound smug,
> but> when we moved here the first thing we got were our library cards. If your
> kids> see you read they'll want to too.
>
> 6. Spanking is probably not a good idea. Every kid will be rebellious,
> and> you will want to spank the orneriness out of them. This probably means
> you> are not disciplining them, you are beating them. There's a difference.
> If> spanking makes you want to cry more than your child, you're probably doing
> it> with a loving attitude. If not, you're probably so angry you're not
> really in> control, you're going to leave bruises and welts. That's abuse and its
> not a> good thing. A child knows when the line is crossed from discipline to
> abuse,> and all it teaches them when its crossed is that if you're bigger and mad
> you> really get to beat the hell out of someone. Occasionally, you will meet
> someone who will tell you their kids are so well behaved because they are
> spanked. Maybe so, but 9 times out of 10 the kids look like whipped dogs.
>
> Its better to have a happy child, so do something else for discipline- the
> most common is time-outs. If you need more ideas, visit a library, there
> are> whole shelves full of ideas.
>
> 7. Similar to 6- no yelling. If you're yelling you're not in control and
> that's still not a good thing. You know you'd tell your kid to count to
> ten> first, and keep counting till they get it under control. You really need
> to> show kids the behavior you want them to have, because they are going to
> copy> you. Like it or not. They look like us, they behave like us. God help
> us.
>
> 8. If your child grabs you by the finger- go. While what you are doing
> may> seem important to you- you can get back to it later. If a child wants to
> share a moment with you- that's pretty precious, and may not come again
> for a> long time if you refuse it. They often invite you to the 'golden moments,'
> only a fool would miss them.
>
> 9. Take no prisoners. Yes, I mean that in a good way. No matter what
> conflicts you have with your kids, it needs to end on a note of
> reconciliation. The only thing unconditional is not surrender, its love.
> As> a Christian, being forgiven you have to forgive- 70x7. If you actually
> count> you need to work on your attitude, don't get God mad, that's a bad thing.
>
>
> 10. OK, there's another unconditional thing- integrity. In a world where
> morality is pronounced passe for being judgmental, and a remnant of our
> Judeo-Christian guilt complex, there has to be a strong sense of right and
> wrong. You probably thought in 9 I was advocating being a doormat, not
> so.
> While you can often try to arrive at a compromise to make everybody happy,
> you> cannot yield on issues of right and wrong. And don't get clever and warp
> this> by distorting what is right and wrong. Take #5 to heart and read the
> Bible,> read a childrens' version to the kids.
>
> Well, that's 10, and enough is enough. Oh, just one more. Tell them you
> love> them. Its not enough that they are just supposed to know by your actions.
>
> Your actions can be nothing more than the fulfillment of duty, and
> everybody> needs to be loved and needed, so just haul off and tell them you love them
> every once-in-awhile. It won't hurt you, and after awhile you'll hardly> be
> able to hold back just for the joy of saying it.
>
> So how are my kids doing? Rachel is 8, she reads well beyond her grade
> level.> She is so happy, bright, artistic and self-confident I am torn between
> pride> and envy. 8-years-old, and she's already got the world by the tail.
>
> TrainBoy just turned 3. He wants me to play with him, and wants to help fix
> everything. He often walks around with a screwdriver or wrench trying to
> fix> things himself. As I headed downstairs Sunday he started to follow. I
> stopped and asked him if he wanted a lift, he nodded. I picked him up,
> and as> we headed downstairs he kissed me on the cheek. The best Father's Day
> present> ever.
>
> I love my kids. I am overwhelmed by the blessings God has showered on me.
>
> And a grateful heart is a happy heart. I heard that on "Veggietales."
>
> This has to be my most annoying e-mail ever. It's really not my style to
> dispense unsolicited advice. So I'm going to have to fess-up and tell you
> it's sister Mavis' and cousin Val's fault. Mavis convinced me to go to
> the> shower. Val's the one who made everybody stand up and give a
> child-rearing> tip, and got my mind to thinking. It's only because of them that this
> e-mail> happened.
>
> Well, there's a 12th one for you, so now you've got a dozen- Personal
> responsibility. It's kind of like #10, integrity, only it's different.
> You> could get a dictionary and look 'em up, that's #5 again, sort of. So
> alright,> it was my decision to go, stay, think, type, whatever. So sue me. I hope
> you're happy now.
>
> It is way to late, I've got to get some sleep. Baker's dozen! Get them on
> a> decent sleep schedule. No negotiating. Go to bed! A tired parent is a
> marginal parent. It's not marginal, it's butter! Yeah, way too tired, but
> it> could have been worse. I could have said "But sleep makes butter
> parents." > See? So be grateful for what you got, and be happy about it.
>
> My love to all (feel the joy?),
>
> Just one more? Pray with them. Even give thanks in a restaurant, because
> its> important that they not be embarassed to be seen in public with God. It
> will> make God happy. And that's a Good thing.