Lunch, Spit, and Butts
Okay, why wait. Here's one that's a little more fun. It's recounting lunch with the wife and kids recently.

We gave the kids a choice of where to eat lunch after church. As they've done so often lately they chose Hy-Vee. They have their reasons. Ms. Pikachu loves crab Rangoon and claims all of them for herself. Holy Wife and Train Boy don't want theirs anyway so it's an arrangement that really works.

Trainboy just wants something served with noodles. He thinks nothing is better than slurping up noodles. Superwife just likes Chinese anything so it works for her.

While everybody else got his or her food in the Chinese Express area, I got my conventional food in the conventional area. The woman behind the counter laughed and said she didn't even need the kids to tell her what I was getting anymore, she already knew. All right, I'm in a rut, but it's only because I like the rut- meatloaf, green beans, au gratin potatoes, and pea salad. Sorry, I just do.

While eating, Miss Pikachu made a great display of smelling her food. She declared, It smells like spit! Dear God. The Super Mom protested, Spit does not smell. With great enthusiasm, way too much for the subject matter, Ms. Pikachu explained, "Sure it does. Haven't you ever bit something, or licked something, and gone back to it later and noticed it smells?" I wasn't going to argue because I agreed with her. Not that I was going to admit it, because I know who can make me happy whether she can smell spit or not.

It wasn't long before the conversation got positively surreal. The SuperWife casually observed, "The butt holds both ends of a chicken together." What? I tried to understand it- this undecipherable wisdom. No fortune cookie had been opened, so it wasn't some bizarre Chinaman's idea of profound. But it couldn't have anything to do with the chicken almond they were eating could it? I couldn't see how. She was raised on a farm and helped raise and kill chickens, but good Lord how does anything like that apply? The kids looked like she'd just uttered words handed down from Mt. Sinai. The suspense was killing me; I had to know.

"Would you mind telling me what you mean by, "The butt holds two ends of a chicken together?"" She looked at me in wide-eyed amazement. All three of them started to laugh. I was obviously not in on the joke. When the laughter finally died down she explained, "What I said was, "A "but" holds two ends of a sentence together."" Oh. Having bad hearing can get you a laugh now and then. The kids are probably going to think I'm weird though.

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