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As you are no doubt aware, my sister bought a big Buick. A car she will drive into retirement because that's the natural order of things. If you have doubts, look inside one, or a Cadillac, invariably you will see someone either heading for a retirement home or on a shopping trip from one. In her own words:

"With the car being big and black, and as the previous owner was the Chicago Plumbers Union, I've decided to call it 'the mafia mobile' When the kids come to check out the car, I open the trunk, and refer to how many bodies you could probably put in that trunk, but that it wouldn't have seen Jimmy Hoffa, as it's too new for that..........., of course the kids are too young to get the humor there!"

While that's true, there's no reason not to have the trunk dusted for fingerprints, or tested for DNA residue. It might help the Chicago PD close a few cases, and might increase the car's resale value due to historical interest. Did OJ ever drive a Buick while in Chicago (raised eyebrow)?

As for Jimmy Hoffa, maybe they never found him because his union brothers are playing a shell game where they shuffle him between car trunks. Maybe he's still alive, and eats so much drive-thru he needs a trunk that big. Or maybe not. So who knows.

Around Halloween she can scare the neighborhood kids with stories of her car being haunted by the Evil, Vile Insomniac Labor Leader who wants to take all their candy for union dues, and who still votes for John Kennedy.

Or, just for kicks she could always throw a few union-label lead pipes in the trunk and refer to it as her Mobile Labor Relations Bargaining Unit. "See the scuff by the door handle? That's where a scab went to the school of hard knocks. Knocked him so silly he couldn't handle an easy non-union job like Treasury Secretary. The moral of the story is to always hire union. If Nixon had, the leaks at the Watergate would have been fixed right, the guard would have been out for coffee and doughnuts, and Nixon could have finished his term. But no, he was a Republican and tried to get by with non-union immigrants. Caveat right-to-worker."

If my Intrepid holds up, it will probably be another five years before I start shopping for my own big Buick. Maybe when Sis loses her driving priviledges she'll sell hers to me. The car has character, it would work. It could make a body right popular with the goth set, and isn't that something we all want?

In a small town I could get a lot of calls from the funeral director, "Could you drive tomorrow afternoon? Shouldn't take but an hour, and there's free food afterward." Free food? The Cheapwife asks what time? Can we bring the kids?

If I had a Buick I'd probably be in the trunk tomorrow, exchanging hello's with Jimmy Hoffa. Looking a little pale Jimmy, get out much? Hello? Jimmy, hello? Quick, somebody get the Super Nurse!

I wrote it, it's my fault, I make no excuses.

Publicserf